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There have been many posts written online by different Christians which relates to this very topic. Some of them have to do with "How to spot your future spouse", "Is she or he the one for me?" and the list goes on. Most of these articles are a good read and I do recommend them for you.
The truth is that we all want to meet and be with the right person. Ending up with the wrong partner in life can be very toxic and frustrating. No Christian desires that to happen to them, am sure. But it seems in the effort to spot a potential partner, many seem not to know what to look out for. I am going to give you some of the attributes of a potential Christian spouse. I said "some" because I can not say I know it all but I believe these few will help you know the kind of spouse to look out for.
You will agree with me that there is definitely no perfect Christian out there. We are all working out our salvation according to Philippians 2:12. Looking for the attributes of a potential spouse doesn't mean looking for perfection. With that being said we can now go straight to the point:
Attributes of a Potential Christian Spouse
● They have a genuine intimate relationship with God: Every potential Christian spouse has an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. They understand that it is out of this relationship that other relationships will flow in a way that pleases and brings glory to God. Be led by the Holy Spirit to spot a Christian who has a genuine relationship with God and differentiate them from an ordinary church-goer. Ordinary church-goers look like Christians on the outside but they best fit the description of hypocrites who only have an outward form of godliness(2 Timothy 3:5).
Also know that if they don't have a genuine but defunct relationship with God, it is not a good sign because the sort of relationship they have with God is a reflection of the sort they will have with you. If they are rebellious and unfaithful to God don't expect them to have a good relationship with you.
Our relationship with the LORD must be the foundation on which our relationship with our spouse and other people will stand. Having a lively and functional relationship with God is an headstart to having a great relationship with your spouse.
● They love God more than anyone else: A Potential Christian spouse loves God more than anyone else, including the one they want to get married to. If they love you more than God, don't be happy because that's a problem! No one deserves to be loved more than God and no one deserves to take God's place in people's heart.
Their love for God will always reflect in their zeal for the Word and Prayer; and passion for being used of Him to the fullest. If all they want is to spend all their time with you, it's a sign that you are the one sitting on the throne of their heart, and not God.
If they spend more time on something else than they spend with God, it shows they love that very thing more than God. The bible says that where the treasure is, there will the heart be (Matthew 6:21).
● They love others: A potential Christian spouse is not self-ish and self-centered. That one loves God more doesn't mean they should not love others also. If they find it difficult loving others and showing it by action, do you think they'll treat you different?
The love of God is perfected in the hearts of Christians who are fit for marriage. If everything is all about them; if they are always after receiving from people and never ready to give, they are not the one for you. Self-indulgence does not produce good marriages.
If they only love you and hate others, it's not impressive. A Christian marriage must go far beyond benefitting the partners but also others. It's less about self and more about others.
1 Corinthians 13:1-7 KJV
Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. [2] And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing. [3] And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor , and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing. [4] Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, [5] Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; [6] Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; [7] Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
● They have a consistent word study and prayer life: A Potential Christian spouse has a consistent word study and prayer life. They love the Word of God and prayer like the very air they breathe. God is not just looking for Christians who will get married and live together till death do them apart. He's looking for Christian couples who will be used to advance His Kingdom of Earth. That is why Christian marriages is less about those involved. You don't want to get married to a Christian who chats on social media and reads romantic novels more than they study the Word. You don't want to get married to a Christian who spend hours clued to TV and spends minutes in prayer. You definitely don't want to get married to a Christian who sleeps at night while you're praying!
That is not the calibre of end time Christian marriages that the LORD desires to see. He desires to have Christian couples who will become double trouble for the devil. Watch out for their prayer and word study life! Don't over-look!
● They keep their word: A Potential Christian spouse will make promises and fulfil them, because not fulfilling our promises can be likened to telling lies. God doesn't work with those who can't keep their word because they can't be trusted.
Matthew 21:28-31 KJV
But what think ye? A certain man had two sons; and he came to the first, and said, Son, go work to day in my vineyard. [29] He answered and said, I will not: but afterward he repented, and went. [30] And he came to the second, and said likewise. And he answered and said, I go , sir: and went not. [31] Whether of them twain did the will of his father? They say unto him, The first. Jesus saith unto them, Verily I say unto you, That the publicans and the harlots go into the kingdom of God before you.
If they make many wishes (even for themselves) and promises but fulfil none, it's a red light. Don't be impressed by empty promises but their fulfilment.
● They live a totally transparent life: Every potential Christian spouse will live a totally transparent life. They don't have dirty secrets to cover up. They don't tell lies. Unfortunately, in our society today speaking the truth is rare and telling lies have become the norm, even among Christians. No genuine Christian loves to be told lies and no genuine Christian loves to be deceived. We wouldn't love to marry a deceiver either, I guess.
● They are not lazy: A potential Christian spouse may not have a white collar job but they can't be idle. The saying that an idle man is the devil's workshop is true. If they are not industrious, they are not the one for you.
The Proverbs 31 woman works with her hands. The bible says if a man does not work, he should not eat (2 Thessalonians 3:10).
● They have specific goals which they are pursuing; A Potential Christian spouse is not confused and clueless in life. They don't lack plans for tomorrow. Any Christian who lacks direction for their life is not who we should end up with. If they are clueless about their own lives, what will happen when it comes to marriage? God is not the Author of confusion (2 Corinthians 14:23).
● They live a principled life: Their "Yes" is Yes and their "No" is No. They don't live a life of "anything goes". They are not loose. They are self-disciplined. They are not double-minded, but have scriptural principles that govern their life.
James 1:8 KJV
A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.
● They take responsibilities without excuses: A Christian who uses excuses to dodge their responsibilities and try escaping reality is not a Potential spouse. A Potential Christian spouse takes responsibility and happily delivers them. Living with someone who makes many excuses for not doing what they must do can be very irritating. Christian marriage is for mature and responsible Christians, not for those who are still struggling to put their life in order.
With these few Attributes, I believe you can spot a Potential Christian spouse. If you are lacking any of these Attributes, please work towards them. Pray and let God lead you to your spouse.
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Anointed And Gifted Christian Dream Interpreter, Christian Therapist, Writer And Web Designer.